LSU has terminated their employment agreement with head football coach and linguist Brian Kelly!

He was not launched out of a cannon or catapulted, just fired! Whoa.

Sources close to Mr. Kelly have shared that he is studying English dialects from all over the country, in preparation for accepting a coaching role at a university in another region of the country.

“I mean, anyone can do a Southern accent,” said a Kelly family member who wished to remain anonymous. “But he’s staring at himself in the mirror and trying out different styles. ‘My name is Brian Kelly, and I am proud ta be yer new football coach, don’tcha know. Oof da!’ And ‘I really appre-shee-ate ya givin’ me this oppa-TOON-ity — let’s go get ourselves a champ-ee-unship, awright?’ I can’t take much more of this.”

“I’m a little worried about him,” said another relative. “Last time I walked past the bathroom, all I could hear was, ‘Me name’s Bri’an bleedin’ Kelly, an’ I’m right chuffed t’ be yer new footbaw coach, mate! Cor blimey, you won’t find a bettah bloke fer the job!’ Where does he think he’s going?”

Kelly neighbors reported hearing shouts of, “Yo I deadass ‘preciate this opp frfr 😭🙏 we ‘boutta lock in, get that champy, skibidi rizz ahhhh 💅🔥”

Good luck, Brian Kelly! We can’t wait to hear your next press conference!