Patriots Owner and Football-Rich-Guy Robert Kraft announced today that the New England team and Head Coach Bill Belichick are “parting ways” effective immediately.

“We’re still friends,” assured Mr. Kraft, as Patriots security packed up Coach B’s office.

“We have to make sure our friends don’t steal company property,” explained Robert Kraft. ”We’ve lost seven staplers to employee theft in the last year.”

“Hey, make sure my hoodie-cutting scissors are in the box,” shouted Bill Belichick. ”I brought those from home, those are mine. Nothing cuts a hoodie like Fiskars Hoodie-Cutting Shears.”

The only other personal items in Bill Belichick’s office were a coffee mug and the globe he used as a child before GPS was invented. 

“What’s wrong with this globe?” asked Patriots security. ”Is this a Pangaea?”

Good luck on your next adventure, Bill Belichick!