We know–work sucks, and you can’t wait to retire!

Well, good news! If you have these three sports memorabilia items tucked away in your closet, you can make your retirement dreams a reality RIGHT NOW! Let’s gooooooooooo!

Item #1: A baseball that Babe Ruth almost picked up in 1922 and $7 million
Wait, can you really retire if Babe Ruth just looked at that baseball collecting dust in your closet but he didn’t actually touch it? You bet you can! That baseball–plus the $7 mil in cold hard cash–is your ticket to retirement!

Item #2: A John Elway trading card from “1988” and a cool $6 million
This item is valuable because it’s a rare misprint! Trading card companies don’t often make mistakes of this magnitude. According to trading card experts, John Elway is the only mythical creature to appear on an NFL trading card! Adding 1988 was a nice touch, it makes it seem real. Unlike the widely panned Loch Ness Monster NBA trading card, they put zero effort into that. Didn’t even have any free throw stats. Amateurs.

Item #3: A Pair of Hanes Underwear Endorsed by Michael Jordan and $8 million
Whoa, remember all those cool underwear commercials where Michael Jordan was flying on an airplane and hanging out with regular average Joe’s like us and telling them about life-changing tag-less underwear? Well, if you happen to have a pair of Hanes or underpants or an undershirt (and 8 million buckaroonies) you can retire right this second!

Happy retirement, everyone!